Skeletor, where did you put my nail scissors?

I was watching the news the other day when I saw that Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff (a.k.a. "Skeletor") endorsed the Transportation Security Administration's new policy of allowing small scissors and blades onto airplanes. My first reaction was relief, as I have grown tired of leaving my Swiss Army keychain apparatus at the airport. Most common-sense Americans know that Skeletor is right by saying that explosives pose a far greater threat than my keychain knife and scissors do. Unfortunately, our great nation is not only populated by common-sense Americans, but also by LIBERALS, who have reacted hotly to this announcement. Here is a quote from Edward Markley of Massachusetts:

"travelers heading off to airports across the country will be disturbed to know that the Bush Administration is now making it easier for the next Mohammed Atta to terrorize passengers at 30,000 feet by allowing sharp objects back on planes."

The picture that this statement conjures of some turban-wearing, knife wielding Arab really makes me laugh, especially if you think of him making ninja moves or something with nail scissors in one hand and a less than four-inch knife in the other. "WHAAH! I am Mohammed Atta! I have come to terrorize you dirty infidels!"

I may be laughing, but Hillary Rodham Clinton does not find this picture to be a bit funny. In a letter to Skeletor himself, she reminds the Secretary that, "The 9-11 Commission highlighted the fact that box cutters and knives were used to carry out the hijackings aboard aircraft used during the September 11th attacks."

Wait a minute, Senator Clinton... Are you telling me that a few fanatics with box cutters and small knives overwhelmed an entire plane full of Americans?

I suppose that's EXACTLY what she's telling us... the same thing that President Bush and countless others told us happened on 9/11. Now the same Bush administration is telling us that these same small blades are not a threat!? Four years after the fact, a few guys taking over a plane with box cutters seems ridiculous, but how many nonsense stories were we willing to swallow in the shock that followed 9/11?

It makes you wonder if there's something that Bush, Rodham Clinton, and Skeletor ALL know that they are not telling us. Vast right-wing conspiracy my ass. Hillary's right there in the middle of it.