The Meeting

Pretty quiet day at work for the working part of the day... there was a lady from the district that came to observe me, but was really nice, introduced herself, wrote on a pad for about 20 minutes, and left. I was among the lucky ones, because most of the teachers at my school neither got a greeting nor an handshake. Evidently, most of these evaluators were not all that kind on the evaluations they filled out, either...

which brings us to the after school faculty meeting. Basically, we sat there for a full hour, hearing from our principal what a worthless bunch of teachers we were. Negative comment after negative comment was read aloud to us, with the occasional positive note being read once in awhile with about the same tone of voice as the negative. The comments were as rude as one teacher's classroom being labeled as "hostile." One dude said it was probably him and we all were ribbing him about it in the parking lot.


I got observed by the district person just today, so I knew that none of the comments were about me (my paperwork would not have been finalized yet), but it upsets me to see good people - my own coworkers - addressed so. The atmosphere suggested that I was not the only one who felt this way. You could feel the tension in the room... you ever been somewhere where a speaker infuriated the audience so much that some people got up and walked out? Well, there's always a time some minutes before that, where you can hear a pin drop, and the speaker is able to speak without interruption only because of the courtesy and decency of those listening. The speaker's hold is slipping, for you know that courtesy and decency will only allow one to suffer insults silently for so long...

An "expert/consultant" (whatever you want to call it) was said to have said that our school has a lot of teachers who are not motivated to teach... if he'd sit in one of our faculty meetings, he'd understand why.

78 school days remaining...

Personality test time again...

Modern, Cool Nerd 82 % Nerd, 60% Geek, 34% Dork

For The Record: A Nerd is someone who is passionate about learning/being smart/academia. A Geek is someone who is passionate about some particular area or subject, often an obscure or difficult one. A Dork is someone who has difficulty with common social expectations/interactions. You scored better than half in Nerd and Geek, earning you the title of: Modern, Cool Nerd. Nerds didn't use to be cool, but in the 90's that all changed. It used to be that, if you were a computer expert, you had to wear plaid or a pocket protector or suspenders or something that announced to the world that you couldn't quite fit in. Not anymore. Now, the intelligent and geeky have eked out for themselves a modicum of respect at the very least, and "geek is chic." The Modern, Cool Nerd is intelligent, knowledgable and always the person to call in a crisis (needing computer advice/an arcane bit of trivia knowledge). They are the one you want as your lifeline in Who Wants to Be a Millionaire (or the one up there, winning the million bucks)! Congratulations! Thanks Again! -- THE NERD? GEEK? OR DORK? TEST

Anticlimax

As I noted a few posts ago, I've been following the story of the student who got kicked out of John Brown University for various behaviors. Last night, I finally got to look at the infamous pictures of what the Threefold Advocate called, "photos of him in drag." Anyone who, like me, was expecting to see the full Bourbon Street treatment should expect to be disappointed:


So... this is what passes for drag these days (and is that a JOHN BROWN UNIVERSITY t-shirt? Hilarious!). While all of the news stories that I read seemed to point to some sort of big blow up incident, it all comes down to a pair of flaming boots (how appropriate). The Threefold Advocate should be ashamed of itself. What a joke paper! I should be ashamed of myself for buying that crap that they were trying to feed the proletariat.

I suppose that many of us are on the lookout for those who are killing our culture after the fanfare concerning Brokeback Mountain, but it's not this kid's fault that Brokeback Mountain is the favorite of the liberals in Hollywood. He was just a guy trying to get an education (and probably start a little shit in the process - but who among us didn't?).

Readers, please accept my partial retraction of my prior take on this news story. I did not have all of the information, but I corrected that with a little investigation.

80 days to... what?

I've got this little pocket calendar that I was given after the Christmas holidays that I use for my "countdown" until the end of the year. When I started the countdown nearly a month ago, I thought of it as counting down to my salvation, when all of my current troubles will be over. Since then, things have settled down quite a bit... every morning, I journey quickly to my isolated corner of the world, brush by my boss with a polite nod, and try to hang out in my space and avoid most folks for most of the day. For four weeks, it's worked, and I've avoided any major conflicts. We'll see if it keeps up.

Anyway, with things getting quiet, the countdown seems to mean something different. After 80 more school days, my life becomes a giant wild card and who knows what will happen? While the uncertainty carries some excitement, there is always that dread of the unknown. It's hitting my wife pretty hard, and I don't know how to handle it. I have a hard time listening to people share their fears. Although I'm supposed to be the man of the family, I often expect my wife to be the strong and reliable one in the relationship. How does one deal with another one's uncertainty and anxiety about the future when you are having enough of a time dealing with your own? I've never been good with the whole sharing feelings thing and I'm at a point now where I realize that I need to get good at it.

I suppose I've got another 80 working days (and counting) to figure the whole thing out.

Accepted?

Actually, I lied about my life being totally quiet (as I had remarked in my last post)... I just found out that Clemson University's history department has admitted me as a graduate student for next year. I just checked the admissions website and it says "Action Status: Accepted" on the web query.

What does this mean? I suppose I will find out, soon. Thing is, there are a lot of degrees of accepted... from accepted with a tuition reduction and a graduate assistantship (which I'm hoping for) to accepted with no assistantship and out-of-state tuition (which I cannot afford).

I've been fretting about this for some weeks now, so it's good to know that I'm a little closer to getting a full answer on this.

My good readers will be the first to know of future developments regarding this issue. (Seriously, I am blogging before I am even telling my wife about this... she'll be the next to find out!)

The Threefold Advocate Reports...

What does a blogger do when things seem quiet in life and most things are going well, but does not want to lose readers with a long period of inactivity? Easy... react to current events that have little or nothing to do with his life.

It's not a picture of ET you're looking at... it's a young student who has been a lightning rod of controversy. I was reading a story earlier this week on the pop culture blog, Slice 'O Life, about an openly gay student who had been kicked out of John Brown University, a Christian college in Arkansas or somewhere in that vicinity. The blog, which disagreed with the decision to expel the student, closed by stating, "I hope the school paper, The Threefold Advocate, is covering this story." Well, the Threefold Advocate has covered the story with a vengeance:

http://advocate.jbu.edu/fullart.asp?Hdline=Gay+student+dismissed

Apparently, this kid posted some photos of himself in drag on Facebook, a cool website for college students and grads where you can post your profile, pictures of yourself, etc. I use it to keep in touch with friends. The student used it to post pictures of himself in drag where any student at the university could access it. I am currently conducting an investigation to see if I can find out if the pictures are still posted. For the administration of John Brown University, members of which had tried to work with this kid in a series of counseling sessions and ultimatums, this was the last straw.

Although it ruffles a lot of feathers anytime a gay student is kicked out of any institution, I'm glad that the administration of JBU acted with courage and stood behind the values of their institution. My only question is why they admitted an openly gay student in the first place if they knew during the admissions process that he was gay - which it appears they did. There were so many red flags here that I'm surprised that the university took this sort of burden upon itself. For one, the young man claims that he has decided to be celibate because of his decision to become a Christian. Well, last time I checked, becoming a Christian means renouncing homosexuality altogether. There is no way around this.

Of course, on his public Facebook profile, he put "Men" as one of his interests. The pieces of the puzzle: gay, Christian, celibate, drag queen, interested in men. Does any of this add up? Perhaps, next time JBU wants to venture into the realm of political correctness by admitting students who will be at odds with the behavior code, they will think again.

It's not your grandmother's search engine!

As a middle school computer teacher, I am constantly having to find ways to stay ahead of my students and keep them on task. In December, I thought that I had a foolproof plan, slaving away for hours blocking iTunes and most of the internet except for just a handful of sites. Although I like the Yahoo search engine, it is way too busy with the music, movies, and everything else it offers... it had to go. Google - on the other hand - has always struck me as a more basic tool and I picked it for its stripped-downedness.

I should have seen the handwriting on the wall last week when my friend sent me a link to a guy playing guitar on this Google Video, which I had never heard of. The guitar playing guy was sort of cool, but I never gave Google Video a second thought... evidently, just some place where people post homemade videos.

Today, about seven or eight boys from my seventh period class were standing around a computer looking at none other than... you guessed it, Google Video! When I arrived on the scene, I realized this computer had attracted the attention of so many of my fine young gentlemen:



That's not all... There are some great fights, too, and even the young ladies in my class could appreciate the raw footage of people beating the hell out of each other! Seriously, so many students had crowded around this one e-fight that I couldn't even get close enough to the computer to turn it off.

It looks like my kids have caught up to me yet again, and I will have to find another way to outsmart them. My assignment this weekend is to find a stripped-down search engine that does not include a striptease on the side.

All's well that ends well...

If two words could describe my day so far, the two words would be "All Better!"

I went downtown this morning to see if I could make-up my professional day today, and the nice lady downtown said, "I don't see why not," and let me proceed to do my work. I'm actually making a lot of progress, because I tend to work more efficiently by myself than in a group. In a group, I tend to be curious about what others are doing and I like to try to entertain those around me. By myself, it is easier for me to get in touch with my inner diligent worker.

I came home for a little bite to eat and I'll be heading back to finish my work in a few minutes. It's so nice to be able to break up the weak with something different (and quieter) than a regular day at work.

Not even supposed to be here...

I started my day by reading a copy of a heated letter that my friend sent to some columnist at some paper in Oklahoma. The letter was really good until it got to the part where it talked about Benjamin Franklin, who - according to the letter - is on the $20 bill. I felt badly for my friend, who had worked so hard on that letter only to likely be ridiculed by the recipient for a lapse in judgment. Of course, I chucked a bit, too, but that's beside the point.

As long as my friend doesn't say anything about the Germans bombing Pearl Harbor, I won't worry about him.

I had no idea who the real moron of the day was going to be. As I was preparing to leave, I couldn't find my keys, then ten minutes later realized that I'd put them in my jeans pocket the night before (obvious... I should have known something was up right there). After that, I went to work just like any other day, then got home to and checked my e-mail. The title of one was, "Where are you?" It ends up that there was a thing that I was supposed to go to at the district office (a paid day with no kids) that was TODAY when I thought it was going to be tomorrow! I might know enough about our nation's currency not to tell the bank teller that she still owes me $80 of my hundred, but it didn't help me to skip out of work to a more peaceful day downtown.

It reminds me of the movie, Clerks, where Dante is constantly reminding everyone around him that, "I'm not even supposed to be here, today!" Well, that's kind of like me, except I didn't know any better. (Ben Franklin probably thought the same thing when my friend placed him on the $20 bill!)


On the bright side... I've already asked for the day off tomorrow (when I thought this thing was) and I intend to take it!

Another telling quiz... in only three questions!

Your Personality Is

Rational (NT) You are both logical and creative. You are full of ideas. You are so rational that you analyze everything. This drives people a little crazy! Intelligence is important to you. You always like to be around smart people. In fact, you're often a little short with people who don't impress you mentally. You seem distant to some - but it's usually because you're deep in thought. Those who understand you best are fellow Rationals. In love, you tend to approach things with logic. You seek a compatible mate - who is also very intelligent. At work, you tend to gravitate toward idea building careers - like programming, medicine, or academia. With others, you are very honest and direct. People often can't take your criticism well. As far as your looks go, you're coasting on what you were born with. You think fashion is silly. On weekends, you spend most of your time thinking, experimenting with new ideas, or learning new things.

The Three Question Personality Test

The Shepherd

"I am the tyranny of evil men, but I'm trying hard to be the shepherd."
-- Samuel L. Jackson (Pulp Fiction)
As I had noted on an earlier post, I try to read the Bible a little bit each morning - or at least look at it online. (Imagine what Paul or Moses would have thought if they had been told, "Thousands of years from now, what you're writing will be on the INTERNET!") The other day, the daily Gospel reading was from John 10, about the shepherd and the sheep. Here is a part that really reached out to me:

11"I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep. 12The hired hand is not the shepherd who owns the sheep. So when he sees the wolf coming, he abandons the sheep and runs away. Then the wolf attacks the flock and scatters it. 13The man runs away because he is a hired hand and cares nothing for the sheep."

A few posts ago, I had written about my co-worker's freedom from our place of employment. When I read this passage a few days later, I began to wonder why he left and I am still grinding it out. The wolf came, and I stayed... Why?

Well, last Thursday we had a visitor from our school - someone from the federal government - and he was going around with his entourage. Having seen their location a short time before, I told my fourth period that we were likely to get a visit from them sometime during the class period. Since I'm in a lab full of computers, the fed was sure to come in, look around, and ask questions. I told the kids that they needed to be on their best behavior, because I would be in hot water if the gentleman came in and was not pleased. I didn't know the whole "help me" thing would work, but it was all I could come up with.

Sure enough, the fed came in and saw - with just a few small exceptions - my students on their best behavior, keyboarding away. I was quite proud of them. After that, I began to see something that I had not allowed myself to see for some time... this shepherd is starting to love the sheep, and the sheep seem to like him enough not to embarass him in front of strangers. So, while the hired hands run, I'm starting to see what it means to be a good shepherd...

... even though it feels sometimes as if I'm working for the wolf.

Iran and the "International System"

Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton (notice the Rodham is back now that she's running for Senate again - it will be gone next year when she positions for president) has now joined the ranks of those who are fanning the flames in the Middle East. Regarding Iran, Rodham Clinton remarked that, "We cannot and should not - must not - permit Iran to build or acquire nuclear weapons." To this barrage of nots, I would retort, "Would you, could you, in a box? Would, you could you, with a fox?"

However, I don't think that United States will listen to Uncle Sam-I-Am. Instead, our government will probably be pursuing the path that Senator Rodham Clinton recommended today in her speech at Princeton: "move as quickly as feasible for sanctions in the United Nations." Clinton continued that, "We cannot take any action off the table in sending a clear message to the current leadership of Iran that they will not be permitted to acquire nuclear weapons."

I wonder what that means, since her husband's way of sending a clear message is bombing an aspirin factory in the middle of Africa!

Perhaps the most disturbing part of the article that I read was this quote:

"The Iranians want to make this about their rights. It's not about their rights... It's about the ability of the international system to trust them with the capabilities and technologies that could lead to a nuclear weapon."


A quote from Hillary? Perhaps John Kerry, the coiner of the infamous "global test" catch phrase? Nope, it's our beloved Secretary of State, Condoleezza Rice. What is this "international system" that she is talking about? Whatever it is, you can be certain that Hillary and Condi both agree that Iran has failed the "global test."

It's about time that everyone sees that it's not Hillary vs. Condi - it's Hillary and Condi saying the same things and promoting the same agenda!

To read the article referenced above, visit: http://www.dailyprincetonian.com/archives/2006/01/18/news/14290.shtml

Lord of the World?

Condi, are you attempting to grab the world by the balls?

The president of Iran, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, certainly thinks so:

"We are asking they step down from their ivory towers and act with a little logic," Ahmadinejad said. "Who are you to deprive us from fulfilling our goals? You think you are the lord of the world and everybody should follow you. But that idea is a wrong idea."

I tell you, on some level this guy is a total nut and a Holocaust denier on top of that (the pinnacle of nuts), but when you read the words that he quoted above - about OUR COUNTRY - anyone who loves freedom and respects the sovereignty of nations has to see some truth there. After all, who are we to say that we have a right to nuclear power and weapons and that other nations do not have a right to these luxuries that we enjoy so much? Who are we as a nation to stop any other nation from fulfilling its goals, as long as they do not violate our borders?! Why isn't Secretary Rice in Mexico dealing with the threat of illegal immigration? There's an issue that is much more pressing to our country.

There is no reason that we should expect Mr. Ahmadinejad to be our vassal, and certainly no reason to build some sort of joke UN coalition against the nation of Iran. Our nation did not want to consult the UN before we invaded Iraq. Why does our government seek to build a UN coalition against Iran now? It's high time that the UN is dissolved and the rights of sovereign nations are respected in full. We are a great nation, but we are NOT the lord of the world and if we proceed on this course, no one will want to follow us.

For the full article that I read, visit: http://apnews.myway.com/article/20060118/D8F795480.html

A Clarification on Teaching

A few of my readers (I'm so grateful to have readers!) have commented a few posts ago speculating on my take concerning teaching, etc. Here goes:

Last year was my second year of teaching. There was a lot of outside pressure with different evaluations (which I passed, but I tend to worry about ANY measurement of my performance) and a lot of changes sent down from above once the school year had already started. I began to think about finding another profession, that I was finished teaching. In January, I got a call from someone who offered me some money to present a four hour course for teachers who were about to take the PRAXIS Exam in Social Studies. I told her I'd do it, though in my burnt-out state, I did little to prepare. I was selected because I had scored highly on the test, so I guess I kind of knew what I was going to say, anyway.

Well, I got in front of this crowd of about 20 teachers, and just got going. I had worn a sweater to the place because of the cold, but an hour into it, the sleeves were pulled up and another hour later I was sweating so much that the sweater came off and I was teaching in a t-shirt. All I had was a piece of chalk, a board, and my voice, and as much as I hate chalk - it was all I needed. As I was driving home, I realized that there's nothing in the whole world I would rather do than teach. I wouldn't be happy doing anything else. When I had conditions that allowed me to be carried away with the sheer ecstasy to sharing knowledge with a captive audience, I felt more alive than I had in a long time.

So, basically, yes, it's the conditions and the strain of working for an unpleasant person in the midst of a faculty that is demoralized due to lack of motivation by said unpleasant person and students who are allowed to run wild because no one expects any better of them. I have faith that one day, I will end up in a school or university where I will fit in and I will find a proper outlet for my enthusiasm...

Until then, I'll be around, holding out my hands to a roomful of idiots.

And the winner is...

On a night where all of the focus seems to be on whatever queer movie will win best picture, people are missing out on the most deserving recipient of a Golden Globe. I was pleased to see that Steve Carrell won best actor in a comedy series for his portrayal of Michael Scott on NBC's 'The Office.' That show, and specifically his character, lights up 30 minutes of my week with a consistent barrage of laughs that never fails to impress. I think it's pretty much the best TV show ever made.

So, if you ask me, the star of the night is not some guy in a cowboy hat humping another guy, but just an average guy that plays the kind of character we see every day: A boss who is a total idiot but thinks he's a frickin' genius.

To see why Steve Carrell came out on top this evening, visit http://www.nbc.com/The_Office, or better yet, tune in on Thursday nights at 9:30/8:30 Central.

Free At Last!

This Martin Luther King Day has given me a much-needed opportunity to have another day to rest and contemplate before returning to work. Last week, one of my colleagues finally had enough of the unreasonable demands of our work environment and turned in his notice. Friday was his last day.

Meanwhile, I am only halfway through with the year. However, I believe that I'll be able to stick it out until the end. If the school year is a mountain, I have climbed to the top and it is just a matter of getting down...

And when that day arrives, I will join hands with all of God's children, singing, "Free at last! free at last! thank God Almighty, [I am] free at last!"

Tell me something I don't know...

After reading something about personality types on another blog, I took a test myself on the internet. Either this test was right-on or I, by chance, got a really good stock answer:

[Feanor], you're a Critic!

You're complex, thoughtful and never content to skate on the surface. Chances are you veer towards being so analytical and introspective that even positive qualities can seem like faults. The truth is that you have a very perceptive, gentle spirit.

You hate chaos at work and prefer a structured environment and sometimes you feel undervalued by your boss. There's a part deep inside you that's aching to make more money.

And that's just scratching the surface!

-----

It's scary how a multiple choice test can produce something so telling... even down to feeling undervalued by my boss... then again, maybe most people feel that way.

Certified!

I checked online today and it appears that I have been issued a real teaching certificate! For the past few years, I've been operating on year-to-year certificates (you can do that for up to 3 years), but no more of this! Now that I've completed my certification program, I've got a certificate to teach Social Studies and Business Education that I don't have to renew next year.

It might seem like small potatoes, but when you work a job that you're not fully qualified for, it tends to be a relief when, suddenly, you're qualified! It's been a long, two and a half year journey with lots of pressure on the way.

What next? Well, Clemson University has received my application for graduate study in history. The graduate coordinator told me that I might hear something within a week. Seems pretty fast and I hope that this means it will be good news when I hear it!

In the meantime, I'll just have to be the best computer teacher and student council sponsor while counting down the rest of this year.

The Calming Waters...

The first week back at work was pretty quiet. There was a little bit of a hellstorm for me right before the break, so the calm waters have been nice. I think I've resigned myself to the fact that my situation is what it is for the next five months or so and I'd might as well make the most of it.

On a positive note, I've been asked to do a short segment on a promotional video for the school. It's kind of my thing... I like getting in front of others and doing something entertaining. The chance to be on camera is always cool.

I'm actually doing something I haven't done in quite awhile: I'm spending time at home trying to prepare a lesson. I suppose I'm holding out my hands once more to see what happens.

So it looks like I've been rescued, in a strange sense. Hopefully, soon, I will learn to walk on the water.

Ups and Downs

Today, two similar situations that elicited two very different responses. We have been back in school for three days now and some students still have not been back. With some, you begin to worry. With others... well, you simply cross your fingers.

This morning, a girl came back for the first time. I was so happy because I thought she had moved and it made me feel so good to see her at school again. You never realize how much some students brighten your day until you think they're gone.

This morning, a boy came back for the first time. My eyes sank as my spirit plunged to the ground and all of my hopes that he had moved elsewhere turned to dust. You never realize how much some students annoy you until they suddenly show up again... well, I guess I knew how much this kid annoyed me (thus, the wishful thinking).

I suppose being a teacher is not like being a parent... I'm allowed to have favorites!

Gangsta 4 Life

Yesterday, I made a quick pit stop in the student bathroom, and I saw the following message scrawled on the wall: "LTG 4 Life."

For those of you unfamiliar with the local vernacular, LTG stands for "Lower Third Gangsta." I used to see these commercials when I was growing up that said, "Nobody says, 'I want to be a junkie when I grow up.'" Evidently, some things have changed since the 1980s. Right beside those who are aspiring to be doctors, lawyers, and CEOs are those aspiring to be gangsters.

Hmmm... Does it pay better than teaching? How do the benefits and retirement plan measure up? 401(k)? The armchair gangsta pictured above seems to be doing okay.

Maybe I should consider a career change. ;)

Watership Down

I just finished an amazing book, Watership Down. It's a great adventure story about some rabbits and their struggles to survive on their own. There's a funny story behind my reading this book. When I was nearly finished with high school, my cousin let me borrow the book and told me it was her favorite book and that I should read it. Well, I finished high school, went to college, my parents moved... the rest is history.

Who knows the fate of that book that was lent to me?

Well, I was online recently and I ran into a mention of that book and I was like, "$*%&!" Since it was Christmas Break, I went to the library and checked it out. A few days later, I have read a great story and have a clear conscience. Now, all I have to do is buy a new book, send it to my cousin, and pretend nothing happened! LOL

Tomorrow, it'll be time to return to work after a break of nearly three weeks. I wonder if I forgot how to work (not that I was all that great at it, anyway!).